^@^NerDdyFamily^@^

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Heard from a fren thaT today is chinese valentine day. And today is the day that i am single.... again...

Feel so lonely... dun even have mood to go out... or even go sch...

I slept for almosT the whole day.... did nTh at all... Sleep until i have headache...

I realized that i can't cry anymore... not that i dun want, is thaT i have no more tearS in my eyes.... not even a single drop. So i continued to sleep afTer i had my breakfasT... So pathetic... hahaha....

Juz out of sudden, i remembEr that he promiseD to brinG me to Singapore Flyer on our 1sT year anniversary. End up we didn't go cos of thE timing and date... And i wanted to cry again, becos we cant even Get a chaNce to go and we broKe up... Just Like we don'T think holdinG hand is stH when We weRe in good tErm. And when we broke up, then miss the feeling of someOne u lovE hold ur hand... Wht's the point??

Just now, i recieved a msg from him, saying thaT he promised to bring me go Sg Flyer, since now dun hv the chancE, he wants to give me a ticket so that i can pay lesser... I dun want... What's the point of going there alone?? U think i really like the scenery to the extend i will go alone just like how much i like shopping & movies??

We had a chaT in the phonE after tAt... He said that he regreted... and he wantS to take back whTever he said to me last nite, includE the harsH decision that he made. U think i will agree?? No.. not this time anymorE... i had enougH... this is not the 1sT time saying break Up. This is not a jokE... wht if it is harsh??? he made the decision himself whT?? And so i told him, if u really love me, come aftER me. I cant let him take back wht he said last nitE. and he told me not to forgeT all the thingS that we did before and all thge presents thgat he gave me. It means he give up, right?? Again!!! WhatEver...

Then he said he will Try his besT to get me back. But at this point of time, i am ald Single. Everyone standS a chancE to be my bf... So i didn't promisE him anytHing... Let's juz wait and see.... Who can win my heaRt this time...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

writtern at;
6:22 AM;

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Today is my last day of being attached. From this moment onwards, i am back to single... like what i used to be.

Last nite, i went for a drink wiTh Yusheng, Algae, Didi and Arif. Surprisingly, didi revealed his UndergrounD relationship in front of us... with Jocelyn, one of my year 1 sem 1 clsmates. All of us felt happy for him. However at the samE time, i faced a very big problem in my relationship. We had lot of chit chat... One of the questioN that was passing arnd, 'Which BF do u love the most?' and my answer was 'The current one' despite we had lot of argument. This was what happened last nite....

Tonight, i workeD in library. Before that, i had meeting in the morning and i had severe cramp, that kind to the extend whereby i couldn't walk. I tried to sleep for few hours, but i could still feel the cramping while i was having dreaMz... That was really pain!! my teaRs bursT out... and i wanted to call joey. After a thought, i decided not to disturb him while he was working. Thus i waited for his msg. I typed a msg replied him that i had severe cramp, unknowingly that the msg was not delivered. So i called him after the msg of him telling me that he was about to go home. Then i knew that he was ald on his way home, without paying me a visit. Maybe it's true that i expected to high from him. But after that i realized tat he was showered with fuel, i didn't mind he not coming visit me anymore. And i admit that i was still in bad mood...
Of course, after tat i called him. He tok to me in a very sweet way, but i just dun hv the mood, dun know why... we had a tok in the phone then, not only tok, lots of arguments aroused. Abt the hand bag incident as well, everything that happened to us. He told me 'Go and find a new BF who can carry your bag for u!!!' that day.... sunday. I was so sad.... because i really took it seriously. How can my bf ask me to find a new bf juz because he dun want to carry my heavy bag for me and he claimed that his dad told him not to do so??? Why every time we quarreled muz be my fault?? Why he say sorry then i have to forgive him?? whY??????

Eventually, i brought up my courage and told him that i dun love him as much as what i did before. I have been trying to let go, and i did it, i dun love him so much and i wont feel hurt so much. He was sad... of course, Then me?? I dun feel sad when u ask me to find a new bf??? I would really do so!! He thought about it for a while, and he give up. HE GIVE UP!!!!!! becos i dun love him as much and he afraid i would leave him for someone else. and HE GIVE UP!!! becos he dun want to get hurt in future. and this is what he said,

'Dun get the wrong idea that i do not love u. I do in fact love u. But the thing about you saying that u dun love me as much as last time has really hurt me a lot. And i mean alot alot. I can tell how much You've suffered in order for you to say you love me lesser. It's not your fault for saying. It's me putting you through all these. I m breaking down right now and tats why i m not talking. I cannot express myself in this state. I m sorry. But i love you thats why i am letting you go. To put it more selfishly, i m afraid of getting hurt myself. I dunno how to accept it if you were to leave me for another guy. I m really sorry. Sorry.'

This whole thing was written in sms. And now i noe... Actually i knew it long time ago that HE LOVES HIMSELF MORE THAN HE LOVES ME.
I have nothing to say.... he would rather give me up than putting in effort to make me love him as what i did before. I feel EVEN SAD THAN HIM!!!!!! bcos all these while i love him MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF... and tat's what i get in the end.... OMG....

And i am back to single now.... OMG...... After 382 days submerging in relationship... I m so afraid to commit now.... it's my turn to say so...omg...

writtern at;
7:58 AM;