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Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Recently, i've been meeting up with one of my Foon Yew's senior. His name is Garnett. Usually i call him Xiong gor gor, cos his sister was my sec classmate. Anyway, how i got to knoe him wasn't through his sis, but my friends... haha... small world :) He is 4 years older than me (that means he is now 23 yr old). Hm... Looking wise... Quite alrite... Twice his "Class Grass" during high school time. He was studying in MMU, cyber jaya. Last month, he came to work in singapore. His company doing some business with RP, that's y he tried to find me recently.
Anyway... I went out with him on Sunday. We met up at Ochard (3 of us, another guy is his roommate) and went for dinner together as Wisma, of course, he paid for my meal. Then we went to Cineleisure's K BOX and sing K. haha.. Interesting... he can sing!! That's what i dun noe.. although can't really sing well :(
Tuesday, we met up again. That nitem my FYP screwed up and i went home at 5.30pm. So boring rite?? So asked him whether want to have dinner. He replied immediately and agreed to come Woodlands and have dinner with me :) And so, he took bus and train all the way here although he staying at Aljunied. After finished the dinner, he send me home and we had a chit chat at void deck... And he missed his train... Oh no... my fault...
Yesterday, he came to my school to work, according to him, troubleshooting something. We didn't really have enough time to chit chat. He treat me bubble tea and went for work. I went back a while then rushed out to meet up with Joey. Actually we were suppose to watch movie, cos he promised me to bring me for movie. However, joey was tired because of the guard duty plus the fact that there weren't nice show to watch so we didn't watch. After 1.5hour, Garnett finished his work and enquired me about the school taxi stand. He invited me for a movie... Hm... Should i go??? Yala... i went la. So he came Junction 8 and find me. And so Joey went home, i went AMK with him for a movie. haha... His roommate rushed to AMK for the movie too, but due to technical error, he wasnt able to sit with us :( We watched CONNECTED. Actully i watched that show before, but was in English version. Very nice.. Chinese version contains bit of Exagerating and humour.. but was nice too!!! Obviously, Garnett got bit feeling towards me... But he didnt express it directly...I've tok to him, he said he wants to find one to be with him forever... can tell tAt he still unsure abT his feeling... nvm...maybe he jusT lonely??

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

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10:51 PM;

This is NUSS's new uniform.. Not mine... but Kepo.... want to try :) Nice?

This is the full body PicturE that i've sent to JAL... Hm... Taken by Garnett :)

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10:49 PM;

Saturday, October 11, 2008

It has been one week that he did not want to pick up the phone nor seE me.
I have been crying for so long... Sometimes can cope ip, sumtimes cannot... I also dunno why, juZ miss him. Deep in my heArt i noE tat it's Better for Us to separaTe cos we canT communicaTe. What he wantS id whaT i dun wanT and whaT i want is noT what he Is looking for...
Juz Like whaT ronny said, i gaVe ouT all my cards ald... Game over, nth to plaY. It's truE...in my heaRt i really reaLLY miss him and want to see him. But i did not contaCt him for many daYs ever sincE i IM him in msn and told him my feeling. Sometimes, i juz suddenly woke up & feel like calling him and greet him a good morning, but i Noe if i were to do this, he would be unhapPy cos i spoil his whole daY, and i would not be happy cos he unhaPPy... So i didnt do So.
After so lonG, finally he willinG to removE the "there is no turning back" from his msn. It doesn't Mean thaT he is no longer angry anymore. He gaVe up, i suppose... juz lyk wHat my frens sAid, if he love me, he would not do all thosE things to me, he would not treaT me like tat.
Ya... so whaT if he were to let me contaCt him, what can i do?? His parents will not accept me anymore, he will not accept me anymore, then why should i hurt myself? Since he can let go, i should let go as well!! There is no poinT for me holdIng it tightLY. Juz Vain....
What people say is true... as long as i am single, there are guys coming to me. My life is noT tat bad thougH... I received a call from Tiger Airways, they shortlisted me and ask me to go for interview on MondaY... Timing juz Nice, i got no school... I m going to give my Best Shoot and i will success!! At the mean time, i dun noe when this spanish miX Burmese guy who is tAking Avionic Engineering CoursE in my sch startEd to add me in FACEBOOK and now toking to me in msn all time. He asked for my numbER and daTe me out for dinner. Of courSe, i didnt go.
Today, i meet with one of my Angmo net friend who come from South Africa. He's a cool guy... a softwaRe engineeR who is Brave to be here alone and we tok about lots of things... interesting stuffs... education, careER, vodafone (we were complaining at M1 lousy broadband), travelling and eTc... Sumthing that amazEd me was, there was this gal who tRy to sell perfume to us. Both of us were listening to hER introduction and etc, and suddenly, this guy named DEAN, said "Wo Bu Yao, Xie Xie Ni" OMG!!! He can speak chinese... So cool rite?? he's been learNing chinese for 4 months... That's really amazing...
I try to occupy my time with lots of other stuff. Maybe like What others said, After so long of trying, it's proven that me and joey juz don't work. I cant deny it... now i accept it. What i am looking forward now is to meet with more people, enlighten my life and hope i can fulfill my dream and fly around the world soon...

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10:44 AM;

Thursday, October 09, 2008

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10:27 PM;

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Whenever i see other people hugged by their bf, or they waiting for each other to go home, I really very envy them....
I wonder how my friends can be together with thier beloved for so long, why Not me??
I was very sad, I am very, but i hope i won't be sad anymore....
Last night, i managed to IM joey and tok to him a bit.
His attitude was harsh, obviously, he angry with me and hate me a lot.
I didnt want to quarrel, but to clear my doubts.
He blamed me for making scene in the public, he blame me for make him lose face in front of the public, he blame me for being "agitated" over the topic that we discussed, he hate me for the bruises and scratches that he has on his arm, he said i pushed him to his limit and so he pushed me down.
I swear!!! I HATE MAKING SCENE IN THE PUBLIC... and i know u hate it! that's why i wanted to tok to him somewhere else... but i dun know why he refused to and just leave me alone.
Finally, i noe why... it was because the topic and the conversation that we had earlier on.
I have nothing to say. I didnt want to argue about that topic too... i made myself clear that i dun want that issue to affect our relationship... End up he willing to leave me aside becos of tat... leave me without giving explanation.... Ok.... I got nth to say...
I have been crying ever since that incident happened. Dunno why, i just cried for a while after i explain things to him through MSN (although he didnt reply).
Maybe my friends were right. If he loves me, he would not leave me alone and buy his lunch. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, CINDY!!! ya.... why must i keep crying over this??? Algae is rite... my parents love me even more! If something happen to me, who will cry for me??? Joey??? NO!!! It's my parent, my beloved brother, my family, my friends... It is because they love me... Why must i hurting myself??? I was crying badly when algae and miki told me so... Just that moment, my dad called me... OH no.... I dun want to let him hear it. So i wiped away my tears and picked up the phone. He asked me why my voice changes? I said i have flu... "It must be a bad flu which changed your voice become like that!!" NO no no.... normal flu... Then i noe wht algae means....
SAying so... my appetide cut down a lot.. Merely one/half a meal per day... It's juz hard... can't eat... even i can't eat i aslo have diarrhea... i dun dare to tell all these things to my parents... they try so hard to send me here to study, and i torture myself into this state... I have no face to see them....

Who like to make a scene in the public?
Who like to make her beloved cry?
Who like to see her beloved sad?
Who like to walk away from her beloved?
Who like to leave her beloved one side and buy her own lunch?
Who like to shout at her beloved?
Who like to lay her fingers on the beloved?
Who like to see her beloved injured?
Who like to torture herself?
Who like to beg for forgiveness?
Who like to cry all the time?
Who want to give up her beloved?

No ONe.... I wish i could be the lovely girlfriend who always smile and hold her boyfriend's arm dun want to let go. I wish i could be the sweet girlfriend who talks nicely no matter in what situation and never raise her voice. I wish i could be the smart girlfriend who can sweetalk to her boyfriend and bring him happiness. I wish i could be the calm and cool girlfriend who can give her bf a kiss even he was piss and going to leave her alone. I wish i could be the best gf in the world who deeply loved by her bf...
What i can do now is wait... since joey thinks is my fault, juz like what he said "there is no turning back". I wish i could tolerate 2 more weeks and tok to him nicely. I hope his mind set would changed by then....

I love my piglets....

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11:30 PM;

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Yesterday was supposed to be a very happy day. 12pm, i called joey and we had a deal to go AMK for lunch and have a walk there. And so, i went shower happily and waited for him to fetch me at my plaCe. I Had many many Things to tell him and he also had something to tell me. He actually forgave me and he wanted to give me a chance to patch togeTher. Both of us were Happy though... but dun noe why, afTer started to topic which had troubling him for a couple of days with me, he wasn't happy with my explanation and my point of view. Finally, we reached AMK and found a lot there. I know he dun like us to quarrel in the public, so i wanted to settle it and draw a conclusion for that topic. Yet he was unhappy and he got off the car. I had no choice, so i got off the car too!
I crossed the road, and waited for him. Who knows, after he cross the road, the walk to the other side and purposely avoid me. He continued walking and left me alone at the carpark. I was crying.... an old man came to me. He said, "Gal, why are you crying here?? Dun cry, Come, go to my car and cry if you want, Come, come with me..."
OMg... I was so scare, yet joey was no longer in my sight. I went to the market and sit in front of the Mee stall which he likes the most, but he never come. So i called him. He Sounds piss, he ask me to do whatever i want to do and dun pester him anymore... and he was in the market too!! So i went around and i found him queueing in front of another mee stall and buying food. I was really piss... so i ran to him, and hit him on his arm and ask him to go with me so we can have a talk some other place. He refused to... he asked me not to make a scene in the public. And i said yes, i dun want to make a scene in the public so please come with me! How can he just throw me at the carpark yet he himself come and buy lunch??? What was he thinking?? We didnt quarrel!!
He went off very fast after he got his food. So i followed him and keep pulling his arm. He kept pushing me away, ask me not to follow him. finally we came to edge of the market which was quiet and i slapped him twice. I was really angry... I angry because i dun know why he just throw me alone at the car park and he buy lunch himself. I angry why he dun want to tok to me and juz say whatever thing i do is ald useless... Why???? Why i drag him to the other side juz for a tok also wrong?? Why???? He said before, i can shout and throw my temper, but not in the public. I also know he hates it a lot so i pull him to the other side, but he didnt even give me a chance to tok to him.... Why?????
Of course he was very angry, i kept pulling him but he juz go like that. I chased behind him, and when we reached the carpark, i finally got his arm, but he pushed me very hard that i fall on the road. I knocked my head very hard and my arm. For that moment i was ald lying in the middle of the road of the carpark, i thought i was going to faint, but i didn't. I thought he would turn bck and look at me but no..... he never,,,, He just drove off....
Everyone in the carpark stunned.... he threw me alone at the carpark, didnt even held me up when i fall on my head... My heart was very pain.... No one could help me.... THe public helped me to rest at the side. People standing around me, i could do nth except for crying... i tried to call his house and his mother's hp, but all engaged.
i still borrowed a passerby's phone, couldnt reach...... So i called eugene, but he said he was bz, not convenient.... So i ask one othe public to send me o his place. Lucky, one of the women offer to send me.... Thnx to the lady.... I fianlly reached his place. He wasn't at home. I told the whole story to his mum, and she help me to put ice pack to the swelling can go off a bit. I know it was my fault, the moment i slapped him i know he will hate me forever... But i jus dun get it why he get so piss even when i compromise with him???
He refused to go home... i have no choice but go home. His sister acc me for few hours... we had a talk... i felt much better, but in my hear i feel guilty and regret... But there is nothnig i can do. He say we are gone... impossible anymore... he dun want to see me, dun want to tok 2 me...
I thought i would be alrite.... But i feel giddy when i sleep. I was flippng on my bed for the whole nite because i was reallyvery giddy... i dun know whether it caused by my injury on my head... very xin ku....
This morning i woke up, i thought nth will happen. But i started crying again.... I feel very very bad... So i slapped my face 10 times. It was painful.. but it was not as pain as what joey got yesterday.
I never contact him anymore... i know he wun want to see me or listen to me. I can do nth except for crying and waintg.... I dun want us to end.... I very scare that he would tell me not e even be his friend and stop looking for him... I really very scare....
I still got lots of thing and story havent tell him. I havent finished what i wanted to tell him ytd....
Joey, if u can see this, i want to say sorry to you. Please dun hate me....
The story that i wanted to tell u but no chance was that, May gave birth to her baby boy ald... 2 3 days ago.... May God bless the child....

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9:00 PM;