^@^NerDdyFamily^@^

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Whenever i see other people hugged by their bf, or they waiting for each other to go home, I really very envy them....
I wonder how my friends can be together with thier beloved for so long, why Not me??
I was very sad, I am very, but i hope i won't be sad anymore....
Last night, i managed to IM joey and tok to him a bit.
His attitude was harsh, obviously, he angry with me and hate me a lot.
I didnt want to quarrel, but to clear my doubts.
He blamed me for making scene in the public, he blame me for make him lose face in front of the public, he blame me for being "agitated" over the topic that we discussed, he hate me for the bruises and scratches that he has on his arm, he said i pushed him to his limit and so he pushed me down.
I swear!!! I HATE MAKING SCENE IN THE PUBLIC... and i know u hate it! that's why i wanted to tok to him somewhere else... but i dun know why he refused to and just leave me alone.
Finally, i noe why... it was because the topic and the conversation that we had earlier on.
I have nothing to say. I didnt want to argue about that topic too... i made myself clear that i dun want that issue to affect our relationship... End up he willing to leave me aside becos of tat... leave me without giving explanation.... Ok.... I got nth to say...
I have been crying ever since that incident happened. Dunno why, i just cried for a while after i explain things to him through MSN (although he didnt reply).
Maybe my friends were right. If he loves me, he would not leave me alone and buy his lunch. HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, CINDY!!! ya.... why must i keep crying over this??? Algae is rite... my parents love me even more! If something happen to me, who will cry for me??? Joey??? NO!!! It's my parent, my beloved brother, my family, my friends... It is because they love me... Why must i hurting myself??? I was crying badly when algae and miki told me so... Just that moment, my dad called me... OH no.... I dun want to let him hear it. So i wiped away my tears and picked up the phone. He asked me why my voice changes? I said i have flu... "It must be a bad flu which changed your voice become like that!!" NO no no.... normal flu... Then i noe wht algae means....
SAying so... my appetide cut down a lot.. Merely one/half a meal per day... It's juz hard... can't eat... even i can't eat i aslo have diarrhea... i dun dare to tell all these things to my parents... they try so hard to send me here to study, and i torture myself into this state... I have no face to see them....

Who like to make a scene in the public?
Who like to make her beloved cry?
Who like to see her beloved sad?
Who like to walk away from her beloved?
Who like to leave her beloved one side and buy her own lunch?
Who like to shout at her beloved?
Who like to lay her fingers on the beloved?
Who like to see her beloved injured?
Who like to torture herself?
Who like to beg for forgiveness?
Who like to cry all the time?
Who want to give up her beloved?

No ONe.... I wish i could be the lovely girlfriend who always smile and hold her boyfriend's arm dun want to let go. I wish i could be the sweet girlfriend who talks nicely no matter in what situation and never raise her voice. I wish i could be the smart girlfriend who can sweetalk to her boyfriend and bring him happiness. I wish i could be the calm and cool girlfriend who can give her bf a kiss even he was piss and going to leave her alone. I wish i could be the best gf in the world who deeply loved by her bf...
What i can do now is wait... since joey thinks is my fault, juz like what he said "there is no turning back". I wish i could tolerate 2 more weeks and tok to him nicely. I hope his mind set would changed by then....

I love my piglets....

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